4 months… 4 months since the last Hate File. I’m really not that hateful of a person… I’m really not. But when it comes to my teams, I hate pretty quickly, but you all know this.
Take for example the New York Mets. I didn’t hate them. I wasn’t alive for 1969, which would have given me reason to hate them. I liked a lot of their young players on the current team, and if the Cubs weren’t in the playoffs, I might have been rooting for them. But when the NLCS matchup was set, and the Mets stood between us and the World Series, and the first pitch was thrown, it was on. The hate was on.
But this isn’t about the New York Mets, well sort of, but more about a specific player on that team that absolutely killed us. His name is Daniel Murphy. Maybe you know a bartender by that name, or a general store owner, or your postman… nobody really knew who this guy was before this series… well at least before the playoffs started.
He killed the Dodgers in the NLDS, and then set his sights on the Cubs in the NLCS. He was unconscious. Here’s an average player at best that turned into a damn superhero, or super villain in our case, for a couple weeks. I did know of him prior to this, only because I play fantasy baseball, and I pretty much know every player on every team that gets significant playing time. He was drafted in our league, and did have a spot on a roster. He was on my team the year before. He had some decent fantasy numbers, but what he did to us, was just flat out ridiculous. I will personally never roster him again.
He kind of looks homeless to me. With no particular use for a razor, scruff mcgruff would walk up to the plate like he just rolled out of a cardboard box. Then he’d start talking… like having a full conversation with the umpire. Just zip it asswipe. Are you asking for his number to take him out later? Are you begging him to give you the close calls? What gives buddy?
It didn’t matter where we pitched him, he hit it. We should have hit him. After he took Arrieta’s curveball from about 6 inches off the ground and hit it into the 2nd deck in the 1st inning of game 2, I knew we’d get to this point. His 1st at bat in game 3 should have been one in the ribs. Or better yet, his next at bat in game 2. We ended up walking him intentionally anyways, so what was the difference? I much rather would have seen a 93 mph ball off his right thigh. This guy was getting on my damn nerves.
Then, he hits another and another… setting the record for most consecutive post season games with a home run. He hit the one in Wrigley, and held his bat out extended, showing us up. Hey, if it was my guy, I would have loved it… but it wasn’t. Here was this average joe coming to life and smashing the Cubs 2015 world series hopes. Yeah, I hate him.
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Did he eat his can of spinach? Did he get a shot in the buttocks? What got into this dude? Well whatever it was, it certainly wore off in the World Series, and you bet I was smiling. 2 for 20 something.. something like that. And some defensive gems to boot. When he booted that ball in Game 4 I couldn’t have been happier. It couldn’t have happened to a better guy. Then, he boots another in Game 5. Yes, the damage was done, but that was just the cherry on top.
So go back to your hiding place Mr. Murphy. And yes, I know that supposedly the goat from 1945 was named Murphy, and there’s another freaky link for all you curse believers. Did somebody make that up? Anyways, your 5 minutes of fame are up, and although we will always remember you, nobody else will. Maybe some Mets fans will. Oh yeah, how about those Mets “fans”?
Since we’re at it, let me take a shot at them. In the 12th inning of Game 5, when the World Series appeared over, the stadium emptied out. Everybody left. That just ain’t right. I know everybody isn’t me, and would sit there until the bitter end, just letting it soak in… a true glutton for punishment. No, I know some people can’t take it, or as soon as it looks over, they throw in the towel. Well, that’s why the Royals won this series, because they didn’t give up. And to walk out on your team who had a pretty damn good year and leave a World Series game… ouch. So much for saluting your team like us Cubs fans did after Game 4 of the NLCS. But that doesn’t surprise me… we all know who the best fans are in the world, and no fans, especially Mets fans can hold a candle to us.
And because I’m a Cubs fan, I don’t care that you’re hurting. I’ve been through it all. I especially don’t care about Daniel Murphy. I don’t care if he sits on his couch and eats himself up to about 400 pounds like White Goodman from Globo Gym in Dodgeball. Or maybe I do. Keep yourself in shape, so that when you roll into Wrigley next July, we’ll have something for you. No, I don’t want to hurt the guy, but a 90 mph fastball off his body is just what needs to happen. He needed to be plunked.. he still needs it.
So goodbye for now Daniel. And while you’re at it eating yourself to 400 lbs, don’t worry about it… because although you could bend down to hit a ball out of the park, you couldn’t bend down to field a routine groundball on the biggest stage. That my friend will be my lasting image of you, and that brings a smile to my face, that, and the fact that you and your team came up short.
OK, I feel better now. So it’s on to next year… it’s on to 2016. Close the books on the 2015 baseball season, and close the books on this here Hate File. Welcome to the club Murphy… enjoy your offseason. Bam!
MK
Murphy got exactly what was coming to him. Karma is a rhymes with witch, dbag! An average player his whole career turns into babe ruth for 2 series…sound fishy? Welcome back to earth in the world series. No bat or glove…bye bye murphy and your mets. Where are all those sign murphy posters now? ny still want him? Who cares…he will go back to being an average player unless he goes back to juice pokes in his ass. Feel the hate…see ya next year, chump!