Bikers. Cyclists. Bike Riders in the City of Chicago. Assholes.
It’s not that I hate riding bikes, or think you shouldn’t ride them. I used to ride my bike with its odometer and pegs up and down my block, and all around the park growing up. We used to go on family bike rides through our neighborhood. I enjoy bike riding, sort of. Actually, I don’t really do it anymore period, just too lazy I guess. But I have no problem with someone wanting to take a bike ride. I’m sure I’ll be teaching my son in the next few years. It’s a great pasttime.
No, riding bikes is OK. In fact, it’s actually considered a sport called Cycling, like in the Tour de France and the Olympics. Good for you if you’re that good at riding a bike. Bravo! Unfortunately, our greatest bike riding hero turned out to be as dirty as Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire. But, I got no problem today with you Lance or any of your bicylcle riding, performance enhancing buddies. Go for the Gold baby!
The people I want to focus on in today’s edition of the Hate Files are those people who ride them on the streets of Chicago who think they own the road. And let me tell you, there are plenty of them out there. Driving to and from work everyday in downtown Chicago, you have to be on constant lookout. It’s bad enough to worry about cars NOT following the rules of the road, and pedestrians jaywalking across the street (I do neither…), now you have to worry about these kamikaze bike riders flying through the streets… asking to get hit.
What rules do they follow? We’ve made bike lanes in the City of Chicago, a lot of them, everywhere. Rule #1: Ride in the fricking bike lanes. Well, what if the busy street I want to ride down doesn’t have one? Take a different route, or all laws protecting you are void. You have specific lanes that the city paid money for you to use, yet you want to ride directly in the middle of my lane??? Do you have any regard for your life??? So, yeah, I fly around you, almost hitting you, and pull up to a red light. And you want to come up to my window complaining how I almost hit you, telling me that I’m #1, and threatening to break off my side view mirror? “Use the bike lane bro”, is what I said before I turned up my music and pretended not to hear your continued whining.
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Rule #2: Follow the rules of the road. OK, so you’re driving on the streets of Chicago. Last time I checked there were stop signs and stop lights that apply to everyone who is “driving”. So I have to pay to drive on these streets and follow the rules, and you don’t have to do either? I’m hoping Rahm figures out a way to tax your ass, or charge you some sort of sticker/plate fee or something… in the meantime, please stop at the stop signs like everybody else does…or most drivers do. What happens when you don’t, and it’s my turn to go, and you end up on my hood? Whose fault is that? I’d love to see the results of those court cases.
Rule #3: Pedestrians still have the right of way. I can’t tell you the number of people I’ve almost seen get hit by crazy ass bikers. In your personal rules of the road book, does it tell you that pedestrians have the right of way, or does riding a 2 wheeler with your pants rolled up at the cuff, and a bike seat wedged up your ass, make you above that law? I’m waiting for the day I “run into” a biker on the street when I’m walking. I’d deliver a Bill Cartwright type elbow, and check him to the ground like Brent Seabrook. Then, I’d start kicking his bike like Deniro and Pesci in Good Fellas, and give that piece of junk the fax machine from Office Space treatment. At least I see myself doing this in my fits of road rage against bikers…
Rule #4: Don’t be an idiot. You have a bike. I have a 2 ton vehicle. Who is going to win this battle? I did hit a biker, and he lost. I do feel bad about this, since it was me NOT following the rules of the road, and making a right hand turn from the left lane. I do appreciate that biker not getting the cops involved because I would have gotten screwed, and probably would be a little poorer right now because of it. Finally, I felt really bad about it. I immediately stopped, and tried to open my window to ask if he was OK, except my window was frozen shut. So I popped out the door, and told him to meet me across the street. I made sure he was OK, and he said he was, yet when I went around the block to get to my parking lot, I saw him chain up his bike, and walk away limping. So, yeah, I felt bad, but yeah, he lost. But this one biker experience, this ONE experience, makes me hate bikers a little less. OK, enough of that feeling sorry for the biker attitude, this is a Hate File dammit!
OK, so I said my piece. I’ve been waiting to get this off my chest for a while. Driving has become 10x as stressful because of these guys I have to deal with day in day out in the concrete jungle of downtown Chicago. I mean, an A+ driver with a perfect driving record who always follows the rules of the road shouldn’t have to deal with a bunch of jerks with a death wish riding on 10 speeds. It’s serious stuff when you think about it, because these people can really get hurt, and yet, they carry on with reckless abandon weaving in and out of traffic, following only one rule: Bikers above all. Well, following that rule can get you killed, so WAKE UP bikers! This is your wake up call. We’ve made your bike lanes, we set up your Divvy stands all over the city, we encourage bike riding as a wonderful way to get exercise, commute, and see our beautiful city. Don’t SCREW IT UP! We’re giving you an inch, actually more like a few feet; don’t take a mile. Stay humble and stay smart out there, and most importantly, stay out of MY damn way.
LD#19
Great column! I agree 110%! Not quite as bad in the suburbs, but still no respect for the Rules of the Road. I’d say 80% of these bikers follow no rules of the road and do whatever they want. There should be cops on bikes handing out tickets to these idiots and then maybe they’ll start paying attention. Same amounts as the tickets for motorized vehicles. Big revenue out there! In fact, I’d fill out an application for that job!
Mo
You are so right on it! Burbs are getting worse than down town. They ride right in the middle of the street, they don’t care whats coming. Nice trick for the burbs would be, having dog ride with you and as you stop at a stop sign, open the window and have your dog scare the crap out of the rider. Downtown, i’m immune to it. I hear bumps and thuds and could care less if I hit’em, drive right on the bike lane too.
Next hate file should be about people who cut you off while driving.
Nice peice!
bullwinkle
good column son-o-mine. as you know these are all the same things i been bitchin’ about for years. notice that rahm has just crammed all this bike crap down are throats or ‘up’ somewhere else. i’ve never seen any of this stuff on an open referendum up for public opinion or vote! i pay a lot of money to insure and keep my vehicles on the streets of chicago and illinois. these jerks get their own lanes and run amuck without so much as having to license their bikes with the city. good job ‘one and done rahm’, you’ve turned this city into a city held hostage of a plethora of ‘out of control’ bike freaks.